The End, For Quite Some Time

The last I posted (about online play, anyway) I was lamenting about how bad I had been running at $2/$4 and had determined to drop down to $1/$2 to retool my game. As it turns out, I have done as bad (if not worse) at $1/$2 in the week-and-a-half since then than I ever had at $2/$4. I even came back from my Casino Windsor experience with some confidence that I didn't completely suck as a player. Then I played Sunday night and dropped 60 BB in 277 hands to dispel any notion that I know what I'm doing. The sick graph of all of my $1/$2 and $2/$4 6-max hands are below.


That's right - that is a 300 BB drop in 3K hands after running at 2.55 BB/100 for my first 11K hands. Sick. It is literally to the point where I hope that I am dealt horrible cards so I have to fold them and not even have the opportunity to lose any more money. That's a bad, bad sign. I don't even enjoy sitting down anymore - I just get a feeling of dread with every hand that I play.

So, I'm through. That's right, just like that. I'm not even going to bother clearing the rest of my PPA bonus. Not another single hand of poker for an indefinite amount of time, but in my mind this period of time is at least three months. Done. Finished. I'm tempted to not even do a last Bankroll Update but the detail oriented part of me will probably win and I'll do one final update with the sobering numbers. In reality, though, doing that may help keep my recent loss in perspective as I've still made an incredible amount of money even after this downswing.

Will I play again after three months? It is very likely, as I cannot simply quit - not that I am a compulsive gambler (far from it), but that I simply can't walk away from this challenge a failure. I know I can succeed, but this downswing has put me in a psychological place that is not healthy, and I at least have the self-awareness to realize it and back off for now. When I play again, I hope to have a different, better attitude towards the game than I currently do.

So, what will I do with my time? Well, I'm glad you asked. It has always been a life goal of mine to write a book. So, seems like a good use of the time I will have freed up from poker, right? And, as you likely expect from me, I will blog about the writing of the book at one of my other blogs (as found in my profile). So, au revoir from this blog for a while, and I'll see you over at The Money Geek.